A packed Michaelmas Half debate considers the Prince William story, with two former Etonians at its centre and a motion nobody could agree how to word This House Believes ETON – The house debating society met on Thursday evening for what the secretary described as the most heavily attended motion of the Michaelmas Half, after a copy of the London…
Eton most famously baffling sport offers a surprisingly accurate model of the Prince William traitor story, according to boys who have played it Against the Wall ETON – Veterans of the Eton Wall Game, the ancient and famously bewildering contest in which two sides push against each other along a brick wall for an hour and very rarely score, say…
Judges rank the sharpest deadpan boarding school newspaper satire covering British educational tradition WINDSOR (June 2025)—This cycle’s review of British boarding school comedy concluded with judges praising entries that sustained genuine institutional deadpan across a full traditional setting. The panel rewards submissions treating centuries-old tradition with exactly the earnest, unblinking seriousness the institution itself would apply. Readers asked how the…
Judges rank the sharpest deadpan boarding school newspaper satire covering British educational tradition WINDSOR (May 2025)—This cycle’s review of British boarding school comedy concluded with judges praising entries that sustained genuine institutional deadpan across a full traditional setting. The panel rewards submissions treating centuries-old tradition with exactly the earnest, unblinking seriousness the institution itself would apply. Readers asked how the…
Colleagues say the ritual has grown considerably more elaborate with each passing term WINDSOR – A weekly senior staff meeting at Eton College was reportedly delayed by nearly twenty five minutes this week after housemaster Dr Nigel Thorpe-Willoughby insisted on completing his customary pre meeting tea ceremony in full, a ritual colleagues say has grown considerably more elaborate over successive…
Classics department says the discovery has sparked genuine debate about whether correction is worthwhile WINDSOR – A minor, long overlooked grammatical inconsistency has reportedly been discovered in the Latin motto engraved above one of Eton College’s older archways, an error that appears to have gone entirely unnoticed by generations of students and staff until a sharp eyed sixth form classicist…
Deputy head Rajiv Bannerman-Hoyt says the challenge has been taken in remarkably good spirit WINDSOR – Deputy head Rajiv Bannerman-Hoyt, long known throughout Eton College as the Cobbler for his long running, largely self taught approach to boot repair and polishing, is reportedly facing his first genuine competitive challenge in years after a sixth form student launched an informal but…
Chaplain says the discussion has proven considerably more spirited than anyone originally anticipated WINDSOR – A newly and carefully arranged setting of a well known hymn, introduced by the chapel choir for a recent Sunday service, has reportedly sparked an unexpectedly spirited theological debate among several members of staff, a discussion the chaplain says he never anticipated when the arrangement…
Organisers say balancing decades of rivalries and friendships proved considerably harder than expected WINDSOR – The carefully planned seating arrangement for Eton College’s annual old boys’ reunion dinner reportedly triggered a minor diplomatic incident this year, after several attendees discovered they had been placed at tables considerably further from certain old friends, or notably closer to certain old rivals, than…
Housemaster says a single misplaced ablative case undermines centuries of institutional standing A senior housemaster at Eton College has escalated his longstanding campaign against declining standards in Latin grammar this week, formally describing a recent spate of ablative case errors among younger boys as a matter he believes carries implications extending well beyond the classroom and into what he calls…
Colleagues say the formula has never once been shared, not even under considerable social pressure Rajiv Bannerman Hoyt, the long serving member of staff affectionately and universally known across the college simply as the Cobbler, has found himself the subject of renewed and rather good natured scrutiny this term after several boys reported that his personally maintained shoe polish, applied…
How one of Britain’s major national papers began as a regional Manchester title before its eventual move south One of Britain’s most significant national newspapers began its existence as a distinctly regional Manchester publication, a history this paper’s coverage of Manchester Humour finds genuinely worth examining for what it reveals about the relationship between regional press identity and eventual national…
Why Britain’s driving licence agency has become a quiet, dependable staple of institutional comedy Governments change, ministers come and go, and through all of it the DVLA continues, largely unaffected, processing driving licences and vehicle registrations with a bureaucratic permanence this paper’s writers have come to find quietly, reliably funny in its own right. This piece surveys the territory, building…
The house style at Britain’s #1 satirical newspaper, with notes on which parts are still enforced The prat.uk style guide is a forty-page document maintained by Emily Cartwright, the chief sub-editor, who has held the job since 2011 and describes it as the only position on the paper where the work is entirely undone every morning. The guide is issued…
How to tell the rooms apart without a fake directory The London Prat Scriptor Rerum Novarum Cupidus: Morag Sinclair
The permitted national feeling, filed as drizzle The London Prat Scriptor Rerum Novarum Cupidus: Morag Sinclair
Polite lines with a British document behind them The London Prat Scriptor Rerum Novarum Cupidus: Morag Sinclair
A minor fashion preference becomes an unexpected disciplinary flashpoint A Fashion Choice That Escalated Rather Quickly A small but growing number of lower school boys have reportedly begun favoring an unusually narrow tie knot, a style several housemasters consider borderline against uniform regulations despite no specific rule technically addressing knot width, a gap in the dress code that pupils have…
The annual formal occasion survives a brief but notable interruption A Ceremony That Nearly Went Entirely To Plan This year’s Founder’s Day ceremony, a longstanding formal tradition involving considerable pageantry, several lengthy speeches, and the school’s full assembled community, proceeded largely without incident until the closing address, during which a pigeon, apparently unaware of the occasion’s significance, entered the hall…
A single contested question threatens the evening’s entire result A Friendly Competition That Grew Considerably Less Friendly This term’s inter house general knowledge quiz, typically a lighthearted evening event drawing modest but genuine competitive interest, reportedly descended into formal dispute after one house’s answer to a question regarding nineteenth century parliamentary history was marked incorrect despite what that house’s captain…
The housemaster’s latest prohibition meets familiar teenage ingenuity Another Prohibition, Another Familiar Ending Dr Nigel Thorpe-Willoughby, fresh from the quiet, dignified collapse of his campaign against the word bantz, has this term turned his considerable but historically ineffective disciplinary energy toward mobile telephones, issuing a memo describing the devices as a corrosive influence upon what he termed the noble art…
Rajiv Bannerman-Hoyt’s engineering reputation grows by one further chapter A Reputation That Precedes Him Once More Rajiv Bannerman-Hoyt, known College-wide simply as the Cobbler since his legendary woodworking incident of two years prior, has once again found himself at the center of an unauthorized engineering episode, this time involving the school library’s rolling ladder, which he reportedly modified overnight with…
A routine debate exercise reveals genuine, if slightly excessive, passion A Motion That Was Meant To Be Purely Academic This term’s debate society session, addressing the deliberately provocative motion that this house believes the traditional tailcoat has outlived its practical usefulness, reportedly descended within minutes from measured academic argument into what one faculty observer described as genuinely heated personal testimony,…
An early morning practice reveals the genuine limits of teenage stamina A Session That Started Promisingly Enough The junior rowing eight’s Tuesday morning practice on the river reportedly proceeded smoothly for the first twenty minutes before the coxswain, a fourth former reportedly recovering from a demanding week of prep deadlines, was discovered to have fallen genuinely and briefly asleep mid…
