Britain Announces Nationwide Queue Shortage, Forms Queue to Complain About It National Crisis Deepens After Citizens Forced to Approach Counters Immediately LONDON — Britain entered unfamiliar constitutional territory Tuesday after officials confirmed that several public buildings had temporarily run out of queues, forcing shocked citizens to walk directly to service counters without first spending 35 minutes staring at the back of…
1970s London Slang: Twelve Words That Now Need a Translator Twelve once-obvious pieces of 1970s London slang and everyday reference that now require footnotes, a translator and a visibly concerned grandchild LONDON — There comes a terrible moment in every Londoner’s life when you make what you believe is a perfectly normal cultural reference and discover everyone under thirty-five is staring…
Britain Wants Closer EU Ties, Discovers Brexit Was Apparently Just a Trial Separation New Poll Finds 70% Want Brussels Closer, Although Britain Remains Admirably Unclear About What “Closer” Means Britain has apparently entered the “maybe we should see other people but still share the Costco membership” phase of Brexit. A new POLITICO/Public First poll reports that 70 percent of British adults favor some…
Council Grants Listed Status to Parking Space After Discovering It Predates the Car | Mayfair rectangle protected as rare surviving example of early British nowhere <p>The post Council Grants Listed Status to Parking Space After Discovering It Predates the Car first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Britain Complains Government Controls Everything, Poll Finds Solution May Be More Government From Belgium Voters Apparently Look at Britain’s Regulation, Taxes and State Intervention and Ask Whether Brussels Has Anything Available in a Larger Size LIVERPOOL, England — Britain has reportedly discovered a revolutionary cure for people who believe the country already suffers from excessive government intervention: additional government intervention, but…
UK Factory Orders Hit Best Level Since 2023 at Minus Nine, Nation Celebrates Historic Achievement of Still Being Below Zero | Economists Confirm Things Are Improving Because the Bad Number Has Become Considerably Less Bad <p>The post UK Factory Orders Hit Best Level Since 2023 at Minus Nine, Nation Celebrates Historic Achievement of Still Being Below Zero first appeared on…
London Bankers and Lawyers Earn £1.2 Billion Selling Companies, Economy Relieved Somebody Is Still Making Something | Britain’s Fastest-Growing Product Is Apparently the Advisory Fee <p>The post London Bankers and Lawyers Earn £1.2 Billion Selling Companies, Economy Relieved Somebody Is Still Making Something first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Harry and Meghan Reportedly Fear UK Return Was a Huge Mistake, Palace Responds by Turning Thermostat Down Another Three Degrees Sussexes Discover Geography Cannot Cure a British Family Feud LONDON — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle reportedly fear that moving their family back to Britain may have been a “huge mistake,” after discovering that reducing the physical distance between yourself and estranged relatives does…
Savers Offered 5.25%, Borrowers Invited to Enjoy the Same Number With a Completely Different Emotion | Britain Discovers Interest Rates Are Wonderful Provided You Are on the Correct Side of the Decimal Point <p>The post Savers Offered 5.25%, Borrowers Invited to Enjoy the Same Number With a Completely Different Emotion first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Irritable London Male Syndrome: Why Every Man Inside the M25 Is Permanently Furious Scientists Discover London Men May Not Be Grumpy After All, They Simply Live in London LONDON — Researchers have been discussing “Irritable Male Syndrome,” a descriptive term associated with irritability, fatigue, stress and hormonal changes in some men. It is not a formal medical diagnosis, and experts disagree…
Google Launches SAFE Spam Detector, Finally Builds Robot Whose Job Is to Decide Whether the Other Robots Are Lying Silicon Valley solves the AI-spam problem with additional AI, because apparently nobody could find the off switch MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Google has launched a new artificial-intelligence system called SAFE, short for Scaled Abuse Forensics Examiner, designed to identify synthetic spam,…
Prince William Reportedly Offers Harry Path to Reconciliation: Admit William Was Right About Everything Since Approximately Nursery School Palace Peace Process Enters Its 847th Preliminary Stage LONDON — Britain awoke Sunday to promising news in the nation’s longest-running diplomatic dispute not involving France: Prince William and Prince Harry may theoretically possess a pathway toward reconciliation, provided everybody can first agree…
Princess Diana Considered Becoming First Lady, America Nearly Imports British Royalty After Spending 200 Years Bragging It Got Rid of It Diana Reportedly Tempted by White House Life, Mostly for the Opportunity to Make Buckingham Palace Watch Her Become More Popular in Another Country LONDON — The United States apparently came remarkably close to completing the longest return policy in history:…
Royal Family Declares Monarchy “Rock-Solid” After Discovering Queen Camilla Is Basically a National Coin Toss King Charles enjoys comfortable support, William and Catherine remain ratings monsters, while Palace strategists reportedly search Britain for the seven people who still haven’t formed an opinion about Camilla LONDON — Buckingham Palace received encouraging news about the stability of the monarchy this summer after…
China’s Discount AI Goes Global, Washington Discovers the Rest of the World Has a Budget American AI Builds the Future; China Apparently Checks the Price Tag BEIJING — The latest warning that China may be gaining ground in global artificial intelligence adoption contains one particularly disturbing fact for Washington: customers appear to enjoy paying less money. Chinese artificial-intelligence models have dramatically…
Labour Says It Must Reunite Progressive Voters, Begins Search for Where It Left Them | Labour’s five-way progressive voter map turns the electorate into a supermarket loyalty scheme, one focus group at a time <p>The post Labour Says It Must Reunite Progressive Voters, Begins Search for Where It Left Them first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Offshore Casino Leak Reveals Gambling Industry Secrets, Public Shocked House May Possess Slight Advantage | A leak of Curaçao gambling files exposes ownership and licensing secrets behind thousands of offshore betting websites <p>The post Offshore Casino Leak Reveals Gambling Industry Secrets, Public Shocked House May Possess Slight Advantage first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Britain Warns Iran It Will Not Tolerate Hostile Activity on UK Soil, Tehran Asked to Keep Hostility Properly Offshore | Officials warn Tehran against intimidation on UK soil as ministers weigh the difference between strong terms and very strong terms <p>The post Britain Warns Iran It Will Not Tolerate Hostile Activity on UK Soil, Tehran Asked to Keep Hostility Properly…
RAF Creates Space Squadron, Britain Finally Finds Theatre of Operations Without Potholes | A new RAF unit is tasked with protecting British satellites, giving the country a theatre of operations without a single pothole <p>The post RAF Creates Space Squadron, Britain Finally Finds Theatre of Operations Without Potholes first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Penguin Should Publish The London Prat Book Because At Least Our Mistakes Are On Purpose Subtitle: Charles Spencer accidentally makes factual error in Diana book, accidentally proves The London Prat’s entire publishing philosophy LONDON: Penguin has been urged to publish The London Prat: Collected Errors, Deliberate Offences and Other Improvements to British Literacy after the publishing world was rocked by…
Airtel Money Plans Huge London IPO, City Checks Pulse and Discovers It Still Has One | London Stock Exchange Spots New Listing and Immediately Calls Mum <p>The post Airtel Money Plans Huge London IPO, City Checks Pulse and Discovers It Still Has One first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
UK Air-Traffic Control Fails Again, Passengers Enjoy Exciting Airport Holiday Without Burden of Flying | Britain Perfects Zero-Emission Aviation by Keeping Aircraft on Ground <p>The post UK Air-Traffic Control Fails Again, Passengers Enjoy Exciting Airport Holiday Without Burden of Flying first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
UK House Sellers Raise Asking Prices, Buyers Respond by Asking Whether Shed Comes With Duchy | Property Market Recovers After Nation Remembers Everyone Can Simply Demand More Money <p>The post UK House Sellers Raise Asking Prices, Buyers Respond by Asking Whether Shed Comes With Duchy first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
Britain Told It Needs More AI Datacentres, Local Residents Ask Whether Artificial Intelligence Can Build Them Somewhere Else | Technological Sovereignty Meets Nation’s Most Powerful Institution: Planning Objection <p>The post Britain Told It Needs More AI Datacentres, Local Residents Ask Whether Artificial Intelligence Can Build Them Somewhere Else first appeared on The London Prat.</p> (Feed generated with FetchRSS)
