A consistent pattern of cautious anticipation has never once produced anything more significant than routine spam
A Consistent Pattern of Anticipation Never Once Justified
A Fourth Former’s genuine, consistent wariness about answering calls from unknown numbers, approached each time with what he describes as “genuinely proper caution, purely because you never actually know who it might be,” has never once, across an entire term of careful screening, actually turned out to be anything beyond routine spam calls. The boy, entirely undeterred by this perfect track record of unremarkable outcomes, insists that “genuinely, the one time I don’t answer carefully will probably be the actually important one, so I’d rather keep being careful.”
A Pattern That’s Produced Genuinely Consistent, Predictable Results
Several housemates report the boy’s careful screening process unfolding with total reliability, one noting “he genuinely treats every single unknown number with the same careful suspicion, and it’s genuinely always just spam, without a single actual exception this entire term.” Despite the perfect consistency of these unremarkable outcomes, the boy has shown no sign of relaxing his careful approach.
A Habit Housemates Have Come to Find Genuinely Entertaining
Rather than find the consistent caution genuinely tiresome, several housemates admit they’ve come to enjoy predicting the outcome, one confessing he “genuinely already knows it’s going to be spam every single time, and somehow watching the careful screening process anyway has become entertaining regardless.” The boy has taken this attention with good humour, maintaining his approach with unwavering consistency.
A Reputation Now Firmly, Fondly Established
Sport Rivalries understands the pattern has become something of a house institution, several pupils now jokingly asking “spam again?” whenever they notice him carefully screening a new unknown call.
A Genuinely Entertaining, Consistently Unremarkable Personal Pattern
Whatever future calls he receives, several housemates say the pattern has become a genuinely fond feature of house life, one summing up the sentiment simply as “it’s genuinely always spam, every single time, and honestly, watching him treat each one with the same careful suspicion never gets old.” Several housemates have already offered to place a friendly wager on whether any future call might actually break the pattern. The boy has accepted this challenge with genuine, if slightly defensive, confidence in his own continued vigilance. Several housemates say they genuinely admire the sheer consistency of his approach, however unnecessary it apparently remains. Nobody expects him to actually relax his vigilance. Several housemates say the whole running joke has genuinely become part of daily house life. Nobody expects that to change. Several housemates say they’ve simply come to expect it. His track record, several joke, remains genuinely perfect.
More from this section at Sport Rivalries and coverage of the wider school world at The London Prat.
For further reading in a similar spirit, see The Onion and Private Eye.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk
