Pupil’s Sleep Tracking App Reports a Genuinely Alarming Zero Hours of Actual Sleep | A concerning overnight reading turns out to have a considerably more mundane explanation
The discovery came during a routine inventory check ahead of this year’s Fourth of June celebrations WINDSOR Eton College confirmed this week that its oldest rowing trophy, awarded annually since the eighteen-sixties, has apparently been missing from the display cabinet since 1987, a gap of nearly four decades that went entirely unnoticed until a junior member of staff conducting…
Both societies insist the other started it, and neither will confirm what “it” actually was WINDSOR Eton College confirmed this week that its Debating Society and Chess Club, previously on cordial terms, are now formally not speaking following an escalating dispute over shared bookings for the same Tuesday evening room, with both societies insisting the other started the conflict…
Historians say this is now longer than several actual wars WINDSOR Eton College confirmed this week that its famously obscure Wall Game, played annually along a specific brick wall since the eighteenth century, ended once again in a scoreless draw, extending an unbroken streak that school historians note is now considerably longer than several actual historical wars. What The…
Housemasters confirm the redesign followed a formal complaint submitted entirely in Latin WINDSOR Eton College announced this week that its famously restrictive tailcoat uniform will be updated for the first time in decades, offering Lower Sixth boys what administrators are calling a “slightly less suffocating” fit, following a formal complaint submitted, entirely in Latin, by a student widely known…
Pupil’s Umbrella Turned Genuinely, Spectacularly Inside Out the Moment He Actually Crossed the Quad | A brief gust of wind produced considerably more dramatic destruction than the walk should have required
Eton Prefects Draft Formal Complaint About Complaint Procedure | Meta-grievance process reaches new heights of institutional self-reference
Eton Politics Society Drafts Written Constitution For The School-State | Accidental sovereignty theory from last term formalised into full document
Pupil’s Fete Drink Stall Develops a Genuinely Persistent, Entirely Coincidental Reputation for Bad Luck | A string of unrelated minor mishaps has produced an affectionate, entirely unscientific house legend
