Traditional headwear continues its long struggle against modern recreational physics
An Ancient Hat Meets A Very Modern Frisbee
College’s informal but historically influential Boater Hat Etiquette Committee, a body with no official standing whatsoever but considerable self-appointed authority, has reconvened for emergency session following the third documented incident this term involving a traditional boater hat being repurposed, with impressive aerodynamic ambition, as an improvised frisbee during a lunchtime break on the quad, an act the committee has once again unanimously condemned in the strongest possible non-binding terms.
Witnesses to the latest incident describe a genuinely impressive throw, sailing a considerable distance across the quad before landing, somewhat anticlimactically, in a hedge that has by now developed something of a reputation as the unofficial graveyard for airborne headwear, a reputation the school gardener has reportedly accepted with the weary resignation of a man who has retrieved more boaters from that particular hedge than he ever anticipated when he took the job.
The Cobbler’s Alleged Involvement, Again
Rajiv Bannerman-Hoyt, whose name has once again surfaced in connection with an incident of this nature, has neither confirmed nor denied involvement, offering only the observation that a well-thrown boater does, genuinely, achieve remarkable distance given its shape, an observation the Etiquette Committee found neither reassuring nor entirely surprising given his established history with unconventional applications of school property.
Dr Thorpe-Willoughby, still recovering from his recent and largely unsuccessful campaign against modern slang, reportedly declined to lead this particular crusade, citing what colleagues describe as a newfound and hard-earned humility regarding his ability to successfully prohibit anything teenage boys have already decided is entertaining.
A Tradition Under Genuine Aerodynamic Threat
The committee’s latest proposal, circulated informally among sympathetic staff, suggests reinforcing hat brims with a slightly heavier material specifically to reduce flight distance, a solution that pupils have already begun treating as a direct engineering challenge rather than a deterrent, several reportedly expressing eagerness to test whether a reinforced boater might, in fact, fly even further.
An Institution That Endures, Hedge Retrievals And All
Whatever the committee ultimately decides, the boater hat appears destined to continue its long, undignified relationship with recreational physics, one lunchtime throw at a time, while the school gardener, hedge shears in hand, quietly prepares for what he now assumes will be a fourth incident before term’s end.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/
The London Prat
Scriptor Rerum Novarum Cupidus: Morag Sinclair
